Have you ever had any of those nights, that starts up like any other,
but ends up being the best night of your life?
It was June 22, 1990...
Our final day at school
We were Oliver Chamberlain, Peter Paige,
Steven Prince, Andy Knightley and me.
The codename "the King".
Because my name's Gary King.
Ollie was funny. He fancied himself as a bit of a "player",
but really he was the "O-Math".
We called him O-Man, because he had a birthmark on his forehead that looked like a 6.
He loved it!
Pete was the baby of the group.
It wasn't the kind of kid we'd usually hang out with, but
he was good for a laugh.
And he was asolutely minty!
Steve was a pretty cool guy.
We jammed together, chased the girls...
I think he saw us as rai rulers .
Sweet, really...
And Andy. Andy was my wing man.
The one guy I could rely on to back me up.
He loved me and, I'm not being funny but, I loved him too.
There was nothing we gonna miss about school.
Maybe Mr Shephard.
He was definitely one of the good guys.
She used to ask me what I wanna to do with my life.
I told him I just wanted to have a good time.
He thought that was funny... It wasn't meant to be.
Not that night...
Newton Haven was our hometown.
Our playground, our universe,
And that night was the site of a heroic quest.
Aim? To conquer the Golden Mile.
Twelve pubs along a legendary path of alcoholic indulgents.
There was The First Post, The Old Familiar,
The Famous Clock, The Cross Hands, The Good Companions,
The Trusty Servant, The Two Headed Dog, The Mermaid,
The Beehive, The King's Head, The Hole in the Wall.
All before we reach our destiny - The world's End.
We took my car into town.
I called it The Beast, because she was pretty hairy.
And so, our journey to manhood began.
We were off.
We didn't waste any time.
We hit pub one and hit we it hot!
There was drinking, there was fun, there was controvercy...
There were ladies, there were shots...
There was drama, and of course...
There was drinking!
By pub five we were feeling invincible,
and decided to purchase some herbal refreshment
from the man we called the Reverend Green.
Pint six put O-Man out of commission,
so we carried on without him.
Good thing: I bumped into his sister in the next pub
We were into the disabled, and I bumped into her again!
Sam timed along for a while,
but then I had to let her go.
I had another date that night, and her name was Amber.
Nine pints in and it was us against the world.
Things got mental to Beehive, so we repaired to Bowls club.
Or as we liked to call it The Smokehouse.
Which is where it all went fucked up.
Everyone got par and Pete choked to whity...
so we had to bench him.
In the end we blewed off the last three pubs and headed to the hills.
I remember sitting up there,
Blood on my knuckles, beer down my shirt, sick on my shoes,
seeing the orange glow of a new dawn breakin',
knowing in my heart life would never feel this good again.
And you know what?
It never did!
Thank you, Gary, this was very enlightening.
Would anyone like to add anything?
Or maybe challenge Gary?
You disappointed?
About what?
You didn't make it to the The World's End.
No.
Just what is it that you want to do?
We wanna be free!
We wanna be free to do what we wanna do.
And we wanna get loaded, and wanna have a good time!
And that's what we gonna do
We gonna have a good time!
We gonna have a party!
Just what is it what you want to do?
We wanna to get loaded! And we wanna have a good time!.
- She's a beauty. - Yeah.
But she is no Beast.
Hello, Peter.
Jesus! Gary!
The once and future king!
- I saw you at my house this morning? - No.
I could have sworn I saw on my street.
I have never been to Bishop's Gardens.
- How are you doing man? - I'm well, you?
Yeah, never better. How is... umm...
- Vanessa? - No, your wife.
- Vanessa. - Yeah, how is she?
- She's good. - Have you had sex yet?
- We have two children! - Ooh! Twice!
Get here, fuckmachine! We haven't changed, have we?
What is he doing here?
- All right, Dad. We're fine. - Hello, Mr. P.
- So, Gary, how can I help you? - He looks well.
Are you looking to buy a car?
Ah, no... I am afraid the end is nigh.
- What? - The World's End!
- What do you mean? - You know what I mean!
One night, five guys, twelve pubs, let battle commence!
You wanna try that again?
- Yeah. Isn't that something you've always wanted? - Not particularly, no.
Look, Peter! We didn't make it before.
But this time, we are gonna see it through the bitter end.
Or lager end.
- "We"? - Yes, the whole gang!
- Even Andy? - Why wouldn't Andy be coming?
- I thought that after the accident... - Not an issue. He is in.
What we want to know is are you?
Well, I have to check with Vanessa.
- Who is Vanessa? - My wife!
- Since when you have to check with your wife? - Since we got married.
Oh, come on, man! Don't you miss it!
The laughs...
The comradory...
Bar fights...
the headaches so fear so it feels like
your head's full of ants?
- Well, maybe the first two. - It begins... Which is your new number?
- Same number for ten years! - Yeah, what's that one?
This entire area
They'll all have door or windows above the front elevation.
Who is the element without a helmet?
That is Gary King!
- Knock-knock! - What are you doing here, Gary?
- You supposed to say, "Who is there?". - I can see who is there.
It's you.
I love you've done with the place. A bit rufty...
- How is Selena? - We divorced ten years ago.
- Yeah, I know. Just wondered how she was. - She is doing very well, apparently.
- You got any girl else to go? - Yes, I do, as it happens.
She's a fitness instructor. 26.
Pedophile! I'm kidding. I'd like to meet her sometime.
No. Why are you here?
Haven't not heard? We're getting the band back together!
- I'm not your bassplayer any more. - No, we're getting the boys back together.
- We can get the band back together, as well, if you want. - No, we can't.
You sold my guitar to buy drugs.
I've always wondered what is this thing over the door called?
Thas's the lintel.
So, the plan is we gonna go back to New Haven,
we'll gonna do the Gold Mile, and this time,
we will gonna make it to The World's End.
Everybody is in.
- What even Andy? - Oh, you better believe it, big balls.
Andy is going drinking with you?
With us! Think about it.
Go back to the old time, sink a few pints...
- 12 pints! - Yeah!
- 12 pints is insane! - I know.
What is this all about, Gary?
It's a bank closure. You know?
Why should getting older affect
something as important as friendship?
A lot's changed since then, Oliver.
Right.
This is our chance to take stock!
A stock-take? You make you sound so much fun.
Come on, O-Man. Isn't that something you'd like?
Well, what I'd really like is
for you to take in the end of the sofa.
No. If worried about me, don't be, alright?
I'm here to tell you that Gary King is back on the horse.
Wow-wow-wow! You... You back on the horse?
No, I'm back on the bike!
- What's bike? - What do you mean?
- What's bike stand for?
-Bycicle. - I'm lost.
- Don't be. - Okay.
Listen, this is our last chance
to finally finish what we started.
Come on man, it'll be fuckin' mental!
I think we're done, so...
OLLIE: Well, how do you find the property?
Yeah, it is amazing...
- Amazing location. - Fantastic!
Fantastic aspects.
It's just a little bit out of our price range.
- He knocks it off for you. What sum for? - 1.2 million.
Fuck off!
You have my card.
Gary? WTF?
It's good to see you too, O-Man!
Please do not call me O-Man.
- Sure. Hey, how's your sister? - She is fine.
- She is talking of me? - No!
So , Friday we all gonna get together, make a roadtrip of it
...I'll drive. - Oh, Gary, I can not. I have a doctor's appointment.
Yeah, you do! With that drink!
- You know, doctor... - Drinks... Yes, I get it.
Come...
- We'll not be the same without you, O-Man. - Jesus...
I can see the guys, see how they doing.
Tell them how you're doing.
You never know, you will make it to the end this time.
- And Andy is dfinately coming? - Yeah.
- Andy Knightley? - Tots.
And you convinced him how?
- Mr. Knightley? - Felicity.
You have a friend here to see you.
No, I don't.
Hmm.
- Isn't it grown up here? - Yes.
I saw the boys the other day.
M-hm.
O-Man, Stevie baby,
baba Peter too...
I remember the names of our childhood friends, Gary.
We had ourselves... a litttle idea.
- What is it now? - Yeah, we gonna go back to Newton Haven.
- Why? - For some unfinished business...
- That's a joke, right? - 5 guys, 12 pubs, 50 pints.
- 60 pints! - Andy, aren't you fuckin' alcy?
I'm not a drink for sixteen years, Gary.
You must be thirsty then!
EXHALES DEEPLY
We can go back, see the guys,
chew the fat and it'll be just like it always was.
Except this time, we gonna finish this thing once and for all.
- You have very selective memory, Gary. - Thanks.
Remember the Friday nights,
I remember the Monday mornings.
Yeah, that's why we're gonna back on a Friday!
Why none of us does live at Newton Haven anymore?
- I do not know. - Because it is a black hole.
Is boring.
It always was and it always will be.
It's only boring 'cause we are not there.
- It's pointless arguing to you. - Exactly! So come.
I'm picking everybody up from the High Wickham station, Friday, 3 o'clock sharp.
No, Gary.
Oh, my God. Why? Have you a check with your missus?
No, actually, you don't have to check with my missus!
- What are you doing? - I'm showing you the door.
Is it a door?
I mean, it doesn't have a lintel. And it's glass.
So is it a window or is it a door?
Maybe it's a window...
- Got that? - Please leave, Gary.
Alright.
600 wasn't it?
- I thought I should know. - What?
Mom died.
- When? - Couple of weeks ago.
The big...
Cancer...
I'm sorry.
She's always really liked you, you know.
Got me thinking about the old days...
Particularly that night, you know... because we were so happy.
And... you know...
I love the boys like brothers,
but... when all said and done...
you are the best friend I ever had.
It was good to see you, mate.
Pete!
Steven! My God.
I had a horrible feeling I was gonna be the only one here.
That's not be the last horrible feeling you got today, mate.
This cannot be happeninig, can it?
You said it: what the hell are we doing in here?
What we've always been.
Follow Gary King into the almost certain oblivion.
- Hello, Steven. - Hey, mate.
Pete, hi mate!
Didn't we decided to stop calling him fearless leader,
somewhere around 1992?
The old habits die hard
That'd be put on Gary's tomb stone.
No, it wouldn't. He'll bury us all.
That'd be funny if it wasn't true.
- Hang on a sec. - What?
Someone should just decide which of us is the biggest idiot for coming.
Maybe he had an accident.
- Oh, sorry, Andy, sorry. - No, no, it's fine.
I think, Gary if have had an accident...
Wouldn't that be the best outcome for all us, including Gary?
Unbelievable!
Oh yes!
Look at these cunts...
- You're late. - No, I'm not.
Yeah, you are. You said three it's almost four.
Yeah, three to four.
You know your problem Gary? You're never wrong.
How is that a problem?
I can not believe I bought another Toyota Mark II
What do you mean?
This looks just exactly like the car I sold you 1989.
This is the car you sold me in 1989.
The best 300 pounds I ever spent.
- This is the Beast? - Yeah!
Pretty much.
As much as I had a bit of work on it... to replace the brakes,
Suspension, exhausts, seats, wheels, paneling,
carburetor, manifold, whole engine really, mirrors,
head lamps, other than that, she is the same old motor.
You could almost say an antique.
Well, let's get this antique on the road show!
Come here, lads, we're gonna be late.
And we're back!
Just like the five musketeers.
- Three Musketeers isn't it? - Four if you count the D'Artagnan.
Oh, nobody knows how many there were really,
The history there's a sketch book.
You did know that the three musketeers is a fiction, right?
written by Alexander Dumas?
A lot of people are saying about the Bible these days.
What? That it was written by Alexander Dumas?
Do not be daft, Steven! It was written by Jesus!
Anyway, five sounds much better.
I think they must have tricked on the even three because if there're five,
and two could have died we still have three left.
- We Ready? - Let's do it!
SINGING: I'm free
Do what I want
Any old time
Soup Dragons, I remember this one!
- I put this to tape, didn't I? - Yea, this is it.
- This is the tape? - Yea, yea, look.
Where did you find it?
It's in the tape player!
Oh, look!
-Is anyone hungry? - No.
I need a piss actually.
This is a long piss.
If it is a piss.
It might be... you know...
- Poo. - How is that a poo?
- Still working for your old man, Pete? - Yes.
I'm a partner now. You?
I started my own firm in '98,
They bought her on '05...
I'm happier though. Less stress. Ol?
Property.
Yea, I'm Boutiques Estates Agency, very competitive.
- It is a family lawyer, Andy? - Corporal.
- Does anyone know what Gary's doing? - He's playing "Need for speed" over there.
Go, go, go!
He hasn't changed
I don't know.
I get finally pay rebalanced 600 pounds.
What?
He borrowed 200 of me.
And me.
I can't believe it!
I can't believe you do that!
It's like robbing Peter to pay Paul!
No, borrowed from Peter to pay you.
I still owe Paul.
Oh, shit!
Newton Haven!
Take a moment to look upon it in it's original colors, boys!
But tonight we'll paint it red!
Yes!
Oh, no, no, no.
Shit!
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Fuck, fuck!
I was arcading out at the services...
Do you know why I called you over, sir?
Was the music too loud?
Your left brake light is faulty.
Aw! They brake lights!
So called 'cause they are always breaking!
I'll get it, I saw it today, officer.
- Can I see your license, sir. - Yes.
You know what?
It is in my wallet, and left it in that bloody gym!
- Any other form of identification? - No...
It is all in my sports bag.
It's bloody tipical, isn't it?
I'll give you my name and address,
and you can run me through the old... system.
- Let's do that. - Peter Paige,
48 Bishop Gardens, London, N2T12.
- Jesus, Gary! WTF? - Why did you give him my name?
I'm not gonna give him my name.
- You supposed, I get down by the police? - You won't get down by the police.
Gary, he will check the number plate against his name. - I know.
watch thing again: please name...
She's crossed Gary, on the car show...
TALKING SIMULTANEOUSLY
Shut up...
So, Mr. Page, what brings you in Newton Haven?
We are all from here.
We're just back to see the sights.
Have a cracker on the old Gold Mile.
Might get a bit messy...
Well, make sure you'll get that brake light fixed,
and you might wanna do the machine's test too.
Aw, and Peter...
Do not make too much mess.
We won't.
- I do not understand. - It's simple, Pete.
The car is still registered to you, has been since 1989.
- But I've moved three times since then. - I know. I changed the logbook.
Where do you think these points came from?
Jesus! You guys just relax!
Let's go-go!
You know what trouble you can get into?
- You know what trouble I'm already in? - What's that supposed to mean?
Wait.
What the hell is this?
- Why are we even here? - We're here to get annihilator.
Have you got any plans for dinner at all?
Tonight will be partaking of a liquid repast as we will wend our way up the Golden Mile
Commencing with neo growl tank end in the First Post,
then on to the Old Familiar, the Famous Clock, The Cross Hands,
The Good Companions, The Trusted Servant, The Two Headed Dog, The Mermaid,
The Beehive , The King's Head and the The Hole in the Wall,
for a measure of the same.
All before the last bittersweet pint
At that most fateful tum on us... The World's End!
Leave a light on, good lady
for there we may return with a twinkle in our eyes
We will in truth be blind!
Drunk!
Have you got this?
No need...
Hi.
The First Post
Come on!
- Until 1840... - Fuckin' hell!
This building was the sigh of Newton Haven's first post office.
Until an enterprising business fellow decided
that far from be fitting, be sending and receiving a mail,
it was behalf better suit to as a humble tup room
Where weary traveler might get swatted. Come on!
It's like deja vu!
I don't remember this at all. Has it been refurbished?
We both by chain of it.
Part of that nation more then initiative to rob small charming pub
off any discernable counter.
Starbucket, man! Accepted everywhere.
They can't take away the smell of.
I'm sure they tried.
Good evening, Raymondo!
- The prodigal sons returned. - What?
- What is on the guest tails tonight. - Come again?
the guest tails.
We, sir, are doing the Golden Mile,
and you have the honor of drawing the first blood.
- What do you recommend? - There's one. "Crown and Glory"
-- Rather fitting! - How is that?
- I am Gary King! - What?
- So tell me more. - About what?
"Crown and Glory"!
Is it nutty, is it foam, is it hoppy...
does it have a surprisingly fruity note which lingers on the tongue?...
Umm... it's beer...
- Ummm! We'll have 5 of those, please. - No, sorry...
Can we have four of those and a tap water, please?
WHAT?!!!
I don't believe this!
A man of your legendary proud, is drinking... fucking rain?!
It's like seeing a lion eating eating some humus!
- It doesn't make any sense. - No, it does make any sense!
Seriously I have a problem with drinking after what happened...
I don't.
- King Arthur does. - Oh, this will be good.
What's King Arthur got to do with it?
If you wanna see thing the King Arthur
came back from the battle of Hastings,
- fucking rocked up... eh... of his castle... - Camelot.
...walked up to the bar and wit:
"Hello, can I have a tap water?"
No, because they didn't have running water in old furing times.
Exactly! He would have had a meat! The King Arthur of beers!
Oh! I'm less of a man because I choose to drink water.
What is it? A bit old duck in it?
That's not right politically correct, Gary.
Get out from the 90s, P!
There is nothing who duck you about being teatowel!
About walking into a pub after a rugby match,
and ordering a tap water at a bar
that full of big ugly bastards wearing warpaint!
That, my friend, takes confidence, yeah?
I'm talking balls.
You said it! Balls!
I don't know if you aware of this, Gary, but we are not teenagers anymore.
- And God forbid you ever have children... - But I have kids.
Then you better be ready to take responsibility...
I'm telling you, I might have kids.
Remember Kara Agatson who I... fucked...
She was two weeks late,
when her parents emigrate to Normandy.
I never heard from her again.
She might have a baby.
Imagine that!
A French kid!
It's pointless arguing you.
To kids! Wherever they may be!
- Kids!
Drink up! Let's Bubu!
- "Bubu" What is that? - You remember what's Bubu!
You know from Mr. Shephard classroom, it said on the wall:
"Exit pursued by a bear"
you know, from that Shakespeare play?
- A "Winter's Tale"? - Yea. How was it called?
- A"Winter's Tale." - That's it!
And if we needed to make a quick go-away I would say
"Exit pursued by a bear"
And then it was "Exit pursued by a Yogi bear"
And then ut was just "Let's Yogi and BuBu"...
And then "Let's BuBu".
- So are you saying us to go? - Yes. Shit, I'm saying that!
The Old Familiar
Ah, the Old Familiar!
And this is THE PUB!
Yes! This is more like it!
Like deja vu.
David, my man!
You heard the news?
- Gary King is back in town! - Who is he?
How was the funeral, Gary?
Your mom's funeral
It's difficult to put into words.
But if I had to choose three...
I would say...
Really really sad.
Oh no, that's two, isn't it?
How about really very sad?
Touche...
She was a good woman.
I really liked your mom.
Me too.
- Hello... - Hello, mate.
- Are you here? - Yeah, we're here for ages, what are you doing?
You got lost on the ringroad again.
This is Newton Haven.
- What time are you meeting the twins? - Twins...
We are all in the Old Familiar, come by, if you want.
Yeah, he is.
Okay, see you soon.
- Who was that, O-man? - Don't call me O-man, Gary. If you must know...
It was Sam.
BOTH: - The Sam is here?!
Is there a fucking echo in here?
Yes, Sam is here. She'd down from Manchester, trav the mom's tomorrow.
What? She's coming here?
- Calm down, Steve, I saw her first. - Jesus Christ, not this again!
Are you fucking kidding me?
I saw her first!
Wow, you really have a selective memory, don't you?
Somebody else was saying that!
Me!
Nah, I would have remembered...
I told you I had to think about Sam, and you... OLLIE: - Guys...
proceeded to try to get in her pants at every opportunity.
Guys, please...
You really liked her after found out I liked her!
That's right! Because you did the school play...
- "Cabaret." - "Cabaret"
Because she was in it, and wore that fishnet stockings
and you got a big boner on stage...
Jesus Christ!
And it doesn't matter anyway,
she was on a massive wide-on Franklin Kane.
- I hate that prick! - Can we not...
talk about my sister...
in relation to: A. massive wide-ons,
B. Steven's erect penis?
Alright.
- It's still fiddler? - I'm not answering that.
Sure. Is she that..
-Am I what? - ...fit?
- Hello, Sam. - Steven! Wow!
- You've grown on you? - Yes, outwards.
- You look fantastic! - Steroids...
Andy!
Wow! Long time!
- Hi, Pete! - Hello, Sam.
Hey, big brother.
Gary ...
Welkommen, Vienvenue,
welcome.
Sam, would you like a drink?
Hey, Steve, she's just got here, come on.
Sam, would you like a drink?
- I'll have vodka-tonic, thanks, Steven. - Sure.
- I'll just get lips new. - Cool.
Nature calls.
- What are you doing? - What are you doing?
- I'm going for toilet. - Well, then so am I.
Gary, you are out of you mind!
What are you talking about? You gave me the sign.
- What sign? - You went to the toilet!
Gary, are you serious? I haven't seen you in 20 years.
Do you really think I'm gonna have sex with you in the ladies toilet?
Well the "disabled" is out of order.
Gary, what happened?
I do not know, maybe one of them put too many papertowels down the toilet
I mean, we don't know what they think and really doing.
No, what happened to you?
Nothing.
Nothing happened to me I'm the same old Gary.
No shit.
Hm, so, do you want it?
Oliver, I'll see you later.
You coming?
I thought you won't meet the twins for the half an hour. - I'm not...
Oh yeah, I believe this is yours.
Out of order.
Private joke.
I don't wanna know.
- What is that? - I don't know.
- Memorial, isn't it? - Yes, to modern art.
Hey guys, do you know what time it is?
It's not even six.
Wrong! It's high time we're gone onto the Cock!
Let's go!
Come on.
THE FAMOUS COCK
We've been here already, mate.
Oh shit! Look who it is!
- Basil! - Mad Basil...
Do you remember we used to come in here and listen him talk about the fuckin' UFO's
and lizard-people and underwater Nazism?
He was saing some bullshit about the Bermuda triangle,
that she's been a square...
No, he said it was two isosceles triangles that form a rhombus.
He was your best mate, wasn't he, Steve?
No, he wasn't my best mate, Gary.
He was a lonely old guy and I felt a bit sorry for him.
That's right. Basil!
Maybe we were not local legends you think we are.
- Gary King! - Speak for yourself, mate!
You're barred!
Gary King, June '90
I cannot fucking believe! This is ridiculous!
- Come on, Gary, it's not worth it. - I'll have two in the next one.
Have more in the next one for long time.
We've got have one in every pub
Otherwise the whole thing fucked!
I'd say it's very fucked already, mate.
What?
How much more of this treff to ensure?
- That was three, there is nine more. - Ah fuck that!
- I need to eat something. - We can get some food in the next pub.
- As long as unreasonably healthy. - This is Newton Haven.
Not really heart of your organic revolution.
I doubt it's the heart of anything.
My wife wanted to move to organic.
Probably it's that kinda like eating a shit.
The next pub is a shit. Keep on!
Oh yeah, I remember this one.
We made New Year here, '89 to '90.
Isn't that where you slept on the pool table, Andy?
Yeah, I believe it was.
- Yes, for six hours. - Six hours.
Thank you, find me some book off.
Ah yeah, and when you woke up
we said you were asleep for a year and it was 1991,
and freaked out and punched the clock.
- That was crazy. - I know.
You wanted to go for Erica Liks, Peter.
Yes. I did something of a personal triumph, if I say something or so.
She had the marmalade sandwich fame.
Marmalade sandwich!
- The very same! - Erica Liks,
Tracy Benson,
Becky Schultz.
Two blondes and a redhead in the middle.
- The marmalade sandwich! - Becky Schultz... fuckin' hell...
- What are they doing now?... - Why do not you ask them?
What do you mean?
They've been sitting at that table over there, two blondes.
- a redhead in the middle. - Shut the fuck up!
Erica Liks on the left, the Tracy Benson on the right,
And I'm proud see someone as ancient as Becky Schultz,
in the middle of this marmalade sandwich! All grown up!
- That is very spooky! - We should get over them!
No! Leave the past where it is!
It's boun if I'm doing get at your all ugly mugs.
You make it sound like we're fucking ancient!
I haven't changed that much.
I mean, Steve let himself go a bit... - What?!
Pete still got the same anchor,
- and Oliver still has his mark of the Devil. - No, he hadn't.
No, he has a nice called laser surgery, Gary.
It's a small price to pay not be called a fuckin' O-Man.
And that one is for Sisters Of Mercy tattoo.
I still like the Sisters Of Mercy.
- Good job or you never go swimming. - I'm lost...
Don't be.
Well I pull one for it's nice to see your faces again.
- Cheers! - Excuse me. Is this taken?
Is this seat taken?
- No, good mate. - Thanks.
- Wasn't that... -... Shane Hawkins. - Hmm.
- Hey, he did... - Yes, he did.
What did Shane Hawkins, again?
Oh, my God, I'd like it will not begin if that's okay .
Listen, Pi...
Bottling up past trauma can lead to
to a medical called contrast this in later life.
Apparently...
Nah, I don't need this. Not even about the past.
Is just not about the fact that he bullied me.
He made me miss more school days
than chickenpox.
It's not even that he forced me
spend entire lessons hiding in the toilet cubical.
Or that he punched me so hard it dislodged my eyeball.
And not even that ruined the large
portion of my childhood.
No, it's the fact that just in
he didn't recognize me.
He looked right through me...
As like it all meant nothing.
That probably sounds weird, isn't it?
Shots! S-H-O-T-S!
Shots!
- What are you doing, Gary? - I thought that is obvious. Shots.
Firstly, Peter was talking about something which clearly made him feel very uncomfortable.
- It's alright, Andy. - No, Peter, it's not alright.
Secondly, twelve pints is more than enough. And thirdly, I don't fucking drink!
Andy, but the shots don't count, do they?
You said you wanted to catch up and chew the fowl.
I think you just wanted to drink it.
We are not here as your friend. We are just your fucking enablers!
"Enabler"? That's a funny word "enabler".
Gary King and "The enablers"!
This was a good name for band, Steve, rather old thou.
Don't do it "Gary", Gary.
- Ah, I was that thing now, was it? - It's always been that thing.
We don't need us to help get fucked up,
you've done a perfectly good job so far on your own.
I am gonna go and see if there's a bus back to London.
Whoever want may come with me.
You can't go!
This is special, this is our anniversary!
It is not our anniversary, Gary.
We get this in June, it's October.
Yea, but it's the anniversary of the year, isn't it?
Every year is the anniversary of a year.
It is not the same anymore, Gary.
And it's not that the town changed, we have changed.
Yeah... well... you can't go, because the buses are finished.
Then I'm gonna go back to the BMP.
Are you coming?
- I could do a notable... - I should probably go and find Sam.
Yeah, I'm gonna go and find Sam with Oliver.
Guessed so, didn't ya?
You know what I think?
I think you are jealous.
Yea, you've got your... your houses, and your cars,
and your wives, and your job security...
You don't have what I have...
Freedom.
You are all slaves, and I I'm free to do what I want,
any old time.
This is what you want?
You should to grow up, mate.
Join society.
Yes, but...
- ...mom died! - I'm all very sorry.
And now it is time to go home.
I thought we were home.
I can't stop feeling regret for it...
Don't!
Oh, fuck!
Fuck!
Careful.
The floor is a bit pissy.
Was't me.
That was me.
Did that back in '90.
1990.
Punched the shit out of the wall.
I don't know why.
Seemed important that time.
You guys are having a good night here?
We're doing the Gold Mile tonight, you know
tag along.
We've been like the six musketeers.
I said, we're doing the Gold Mile!
You think you're so cool, don't ya?
We were cooler.
We owned this town.
Paved the way for you, blazed a trail.
- Hey, look at me when I'm talking to you. - Please, don't...
- Don't what? - You don't wanna do that...
Oh, don't I?
What?!
I'm gonna kill him!
You need to explain this! Right now.
Andy, this kid just attacked me...
Don't you dare to change the subject!
- He smashed my head at the mirror! - You know whom I spoke to?
Your mom!
And not from the afterlife.
- From fucking Bournemouth! - Is that real?
She said he hadn't spoke to you for eight months!
- Andy... -His head just came off!
Gary, you are not gonna wriggle out this time!
W...T...F!
Take him off! Get him off me!
Somebody help me!
Gary!
Hey!
Andy, did you see...
WTF, Gary?
WTF?
What the fuck does WTF mean?
- What the fuck! - Okay...
- This can't be happening, can it? - It's happening.
- I can't believe it! - I know, mate.
I can't believe you lied about your mom.
That was a white lie.
- How is that a white lie? - She's not dead, is she?
Stop!
- Wait, wait, wait. Where are you going? - To get help.
- No, no, no! Don't do that! - What, not get help?
We don't know how far this goes.
- Who do you call it? - Vanessa.
- What is Vanessa? - My wife.
- Why are you calling your wife? - Because she is my wife!
You just said we don't know how far it goes.
I just was thinking about the pub.
Oh, that's a surprise!
- I can't get through. - You get through to Sam...
I got 4 bars, I'm not going through.
Your connection is not feasible.
It must be the network.
Holy shit!
This is all connected!
This is the place where everything' gone fucked up!
Everyone's been replaced by one of these.
That's why noone recognized us!
Basil, Dave, Raymondo...
I thought it was weird...
- Shane Hawkins! - Exactly!
It's not us that changed. It's the town!
I'm right, aren't I, Andy?
- Andy, am I right? - You never wrong.
Look, whatever the folks happened to be
we can't stay in cludge forever.
Ten people evented this toilet in the last five minutes,
and not a single one's come out again.
- That's gonna look suspicious. - Ah! Gay loving!
And that's worse more than dismembered bodies!
This is Newton Haven.
- How is it looking? - Normal, very normal.
- I do not like. - What do we do?
Let's finish our drinks.
I say we end these and get the fuck out of here.
- To London? - To the Trusted Servant.
- Are you fuckin' kidding? - Oh, yeah!
It's the Good Companion's next, always mix those two out.
I thought you'd say we won't go to the next pub!
We should get onto Beast and get back to London.
My brake light is broken!
Then do not use the brakes!
- I'm way over the limits! - It's never stopped you!
I don't wanna burn any more points on Pete's license!
Andy can drive. He's teetotal.
That sets it then.
The last thing we need to do is get pulled off by the police.
A. We are all drunk B. They might be in on it
and C. We've got blood on our hands.
- It's more like ink. - We've got ink on our hands.
So... Did you got mess yet?
What?
What are you? Five pubs in?
Four.
Ah, not even enough for ache.
Many more fonts of the art.
- Enjoy your night, Peter. - Thank you.
Thank you.
Sorry.
Do what I say...we've done everybody were doing on the Golden Mile.
You did.
If suddenly jump into Beast now and haze the tail, they're gonna know that we know.
And if we do what we're doing
and go where we were going then they're not gonna know.
- Know what? - That we know.
I suggest we finish what we started and leave quietly in the morning.
- Wait, what are you really suggesting? - To finish the Golden Mile.
It's pointless arguing with him.
Drink up, let's Boo Boo.
We're just five friends...
On a night out...
Having a good time.
The Good Companions
Drinking...
- Beer... - Pub...
Shall we?
I feel a little uncomfortable drinking this much.
No, mate, it's like Dutch courage, isn't that?
You know, when the English soldiers used to
Dutch gin before battle
to give them superstrength?
I thought that was enormous
sense of impending doom.
Exactly!
We are just five friends on a night act, having a good time.
THE TRUSTY SERVANT
I need the toilet.
- Go on then, you've earned it. - What?
You're doing really good, Oliver.
He didn't make it this far last time.
I'm proud of him.
You enjoy this, don't you?
Yeah, five guys on a night act, having a great time.
- Pretending to have a great time - Are you pretending?
If we get out of here alive, I'm gonna kill you.
We're still in the dark end, Gary.
- Apparently this could be in danger before we know. - I know!
My mom could be dead!
For reals this time.
- Why don't we just ask somebody? - Who?
The Reverend Green! Come on.
Wait! What the fuck are you doing?
I'm gonna going to have a little check with the Reverend Green.
You're gonna buy drugs.
I'm gonna go over there and subtly check if that is the Reverend Green.
And if it is, I can ask him what's going on...
And possibly buy some drugs.
What if he is one of them?
Look, me and the Reverend had a highly sophisticated code
When discussing the purchasing of narcotics.
If he doesn't understand me, it means he is one of them
and I will simply go away.
- Have you got any drugs? - I don't do that anymore, Gary.
- Do what? - That.
So, wearing a suit, is it 'cause drugs dealing
is not good enough for you?
There are no drug dealers, anymore Gary.
I've got a proper a job and a proper office.
- You had a proper office! - Helps and gent's toilets.
Nothing wrong with doing a business in the toilet.
- Look, a lot has changed since you've left... - I know.
- How much do you know? - A little...
How much is "a little"?
That the town's been taken off by robots filled with blue stuff.
Sh-sh-sh! Get your voice down! You totally don't know what you're talking about!
- Tell us then... - Well, they're not robots.
- D'you know what robot means? - Of course I do!
It's like: "Hello, I'm a robot."
It means slave, and believe me, they are not slaves.
- And you're their prisoner? - No, I'm very happy.
- Oh, tell your face! - Hey, what's going on?
The town's been invaded by robots, who aren't robots
and the Rev's their prisoner.
I'm not!
We're leaving first thing we can take you out of here.
I'm not going. It's not what you think. It's for all our benefit.
- You've said too much, Trevor. - Yeah, put it call, can it, Trevor?
- I'm just trying to help. - It's not your place to help.
- They will have everything in hand. - Are you guys robots?
Well, the word robot actually
comes from a Czech word...
- "Rompotni" - meaning slave...
- And we are not slaves. - We are very very happy...
- And not robots. - Oh, my God, are these guys robots?
- Sh-sh! - Shut up about robots!
I'd say we shut up about everything!
Give me Trevor, on the phone...
Trevor ...
Is your supervisor.
- Hello, Trevor.
Hello, sir.
But...
I understand...
PHONE DISCONNECTS
Thanks at punch!
What did I miss?
Your friends are trying to help.
We don't need your help.
But what should we do?
I suggest you get on your way.
I think we should do what he says.
Okay!
THE TWO HEADED DOG
There we go.
- Come on! - Gary!
Gary!
Let's just get done with this, yeah?
No more making new friends!
Ah, gentlemen! The prodigal sons return!
What'll it be? One of our guest tails per chance?
Might I recommend five pints of "Crown and Glory"?
Rather fitting, wouldn't you say, Gary?
What? I'd say what?
It's a delightful brew! Hoppy, nutty
foamy...
Does it have a surprisingly fruity note that lingers in the tongue?
You're obviously a connoisseur!
Then you already know that it's rare treat for rogues, reverends
or Royalty and for any good folks between!
Well, five of those, please!
Welcome home, boys.
I don't remember him being that friendly.
He is obviously one of them.
- How can it be? He remembered me! - We don't know what they remember.
Maybe they have selective memories.
Yes, like... What's his name? Me!
Maybe he's one the others... Like the Reverend.
- It is very hard to tell, isn't it? - Yeah, but is he one of them
or is he one of them?
Wait, wait, wait! Which one of these thems, again?
Both thems, don't they? But there are two ways of saying it.
Is he one of them or is he one of THEM?
We need different terms.
One for people who aren't robots.
And one for robots who aren't robots.
Alright. We need to be able to differentiate between them,
THEM and us. - Yeah. I think that the pronouns are really confusing.
- Yeah... Yes! - I don't even know what pronoun is.
A word that can function by itself is a noun
which refers to something else in the dis-clause.
- I don't get it. - You just used one.
- Did I? - Yeah, "it" is a pronoun.
- What it? - It!
- Is it? - Christ!
No, we just need the fucking words
so we can identify who is who.
He's a blank, she is a blank.
Those two people are definitely blanks.
Sam...
Stay.
- How is that? - Oh, grams!
- How's your night going? - Good.
Sort of...
What do you mean "sort of"?
Which weird is that?
You come back and everything's the same, but...
- ...sort of different. - Different how?
- Just weird. - How weird?
- What are you getting at, Gary? - Come with me!
DISABLED TOILETS
- Fuck's sake, Gary, take it in! - It's altight, I'm not trying to have sex with you.
Why are we in the disabled toilets then?
There is something I need tell you, right now.
Unless you wanna have sex,
in which case I'll tell you afterwards.
Tell me right now!
Have you noticed anything creepy about the twins?
Apart from the fact that they're twins?
Just because they are twins doesn't allow you to ask me if them creepy!
- It does a little bit. - You had sex with them!
A. I did not! And B. How did you know about that?!
A. It's a small town. B. I'm not stupid.
And C. They told me.
Alright. I did. Once. But I was wasted.
Which was creepy, 'cause it was like four of them.
I'm not proud of it.
A little bit.
- Is this you wanted to tell me? - No, this is.
- Are you okay, Sam? - I need a cigarette.
- Nobots. - How about Fobots?
I think we should go away away from the whole "robots" thing.
Steven?
What's he up to?
Don't worry, he's probably just trying to fuck Oliver's sister.
Andy!
Oh my God, that man is full of shit!
I know that it's not surprise to you.
BOTH: What did he say, Sam?
He said Newton Haven has been taken over by robots.
Full of blue stuff,
and if we do not do what they say
they'll make us their prisoners.
BOTH: Did you believe him?
No, of course not!
BOTH: Did you believe him?
What?
- See? - Come on, Sam!
You don't better split down Kim!
Oh, grams!
Sam!
God! Witches-bitches! Get off!
Jog us a ciggy...
Gary, what's happening?
- I told you in the disabled. - Oh yes, you did.
We should go inside.
Otherwise people's gonna ask what the hell is going on.
- What the hell is going on? - Steve, I got this.
- Got what? - Sam!
He's not good even for you.
- What?! - What?!
We have been through some crazy shit tonight.
I...
...eyes really put things in perspective for me.
And if everything is as fucked as it seems,
then there is something I need to tell you.
You might think this is because I'm on seventh pint,
but it's not!
It's not.
I'm in love with you, Sam.
Always have been.
It breaks my heart to see you
waste your affections on Gary fucking King!
- Hey, that's really hard. - Oh, no, you've got it all wrong!
- There is nothing between me... - And while I'm being honest...
just delayed a lot the
I am currently seeing a fitness instructor,
she is 26 years old,
but I would drop her in a heartbeat
if it'd meant that I'd have one last chance with you.
Steven...
There is nothing between me and Gary King.
Oh damn!
Sorry!
Hey! Take your feet off her!
Yes!
Take the head off! Take her head off!
Yea-a-a-a-a-ah!!!!!
Nobe-lads!
Nothing sugested in the last three minutes
has been better than Smash and Smashy Eggman. Nothing.
- How it's going on? - What did you guys think of a name for the robots who aren't robots?
I'm afraid we'd wanna blank.
Well, we just had a barney with two blanks in the beer garden.
- We have to leave now. - Agreed.
- Let's get to "Mermaid". - What? What?
- Number eight. - Number eight?
- Oh, fuck! - Andy, what's happening?
Gary thinks we should keep up with the crawl.
Because they know what we're doing,
but they don't know that we know what they're doing.
And basically, noone has any better idea, so fuck it!
What?
Wait!
Guys! Guys!
I've got a better idea! A park! We'd hide there somewhere.
Just go!
Steven, tell them.
Gary thinks they'll carry us if we try to leave the town.
We're way passed leaving now.
Come.
Oh, yeah!
This is what the kids want!
- This is a little bit crowdy, isn't it? - It's perfect, we'll hide up in here.
- I'll get the drinks. - Good plan, O-Man.
- Keep an eye up for blanks. - You've got it!
Why don't you say anything?
- About what? - About what you said in the garden.
I always wanted to, it just never seemed like the right moment.
- Something always got in the way. - Hey, guys.
- Pleased, don't ya? - Thanks!
Steven?
No, no!
Please!
I have so much to live for!
- It's me, you numb jay! - Basil!
I knew seeing your faces again would spell trouble!
Wait... How do I know it's really you?
Because... I'm the only one who is going to tell the truth about Newton Haven.
Now, do you recall the events of the evening of June, 22nd, 1990?
No. But I know man who does.
Hey, guys!
- Hey! - See there whar we lnow?
The marmalade sandwich!
They are good!
- It's the lights. - It's a dream.
Who cares what it is?
Steven!
That was the night they arrived. Remember the shooting star?
That was them. Nothing happened at first.
The were getting ready. Putting wing in on the ground.
Preparing. Not long after you lot left, people started to change.
Just one or two at first. Then more.
They replaced people with influence. Taking over the institutions.
Remaking, remodelling, refurbishing...
Do whatever they think they call to make us join them.
I can't find Steven!
Where are the others?
They're blending in.
Oh, damn!
It's not like the replacements where we know.
Far from it people got a lot friendlier.
That's how they do it.
It's not an invasion. It's a merger...
They don't want to get rid of this, not if they can help it.
They just want to make us more like them.
Chase the way we think.
Bring us in the line with all the others.
Become another link in their chain.
Which is fine unless you say "no."
That's when you get replaced. Once they get your DNA, they've got you.
- How do they do that? - Any way they like.
Do tests, the neatness, sweat, kissing...
...saliva on the rim of a glass.
Why do you think I drink with this crazy straw?
Not so crazy now, is it?
If you aren't on their side, they'll create a version that is.
Thay can bring you back exactly the same or even mate you again.
It looks like you, it has your memories,
but really...
it's just a vessel to spread their message.
Trust. Love. Respect. Desire.
Replaced in the name of progress.
So what happens to the people who get replaced?
The empties? Don't ask me what happens to them.
What happens to "empties"?
I told you not to ask me that!
Go! Get out, before it's too late!
- Basil? - I said, go!
This is can't be good.
Sam, who was the boy you liked in sixth form? Adrian?
Adrian Kane.
- Why? - He is over there.
Hi, Sam.
How is life?
- Sam, we must get out of here! - We must get out of here!
- Where are the others? - They're blending in.
Oh, fuck!
- Gary! - Oh no, just one more song.
- Gary, she is a blank. - Do not be so judgemental!
- Come on! - Still got it!
Enough's enough!
- Let's go! - Wow, wow! Hold on, hold on!
- Where are you all going? - We're leaving.
Really? What happened?
- Adrian Kane was in that pub. - Prick!
- I thnk you liked Adrian Kane. - Adrian is dead.
Oh, God.
Adrian Kane died in a motobike accident
in Italy eight years ago.
Really?
They must have his DNA on file, that's how they're able to replicate him.
They know how to get this, man! They know everything!
They didn't know Adrian was dead.
They know enough to tempt us.
All they knew that these three fall
for a bunch of girls in school uniform.
- Hey! Who wouldn't? Am I right? - Fuck yeah!
We gotta get out the town,
we gotta get beyond it before it's too late!
- Where are you getting all this from? - Basil!
Old mad Basil!
He had the Bermuda rhombus and the aquanazis!
Another good name for the band, Steve.
You're putting our lives in the hands of a crazy old man?
- He is not crazy! - Well, maybe he's not.
Or may be he's a "blank" come to lure us
at the edge of town to one of those dark country road
where they can "deal with us".
They could end it up in the fields.
- I hate fields. - Yes...
- My thoughts precisely. - Steven is right. We should go.
But we are going to "Beehive".
Gary's plan is still the best we have.
Wait a minute...
1990 model Oliver was out of commission by this point of the evening.
What do you say?
I like the new you! Come on!
- This is a mistake, isn't it? - Stick with me.
Andy! Come on!
Here we go.
- Pub No. 9. - Fuck yeah!
- That's the spirit, Pete! - Uh, spirit! We should do chases.
- Who is this guy? - I don't know.
Come on! Andy!
We can't start without you.
You what?
We can't start without you.
So...
- Who's round is it? - It's mine.
- Mister Shephard? - Is it Mr. Shephard?
Why don't you, kid, join me?
You look like you could do with the drink.
Now, let's have a little chat about your future, shall we?
- Mr. Shephard... - Please, call me Guy.
Alright.
Guy... I can't...
Are you robot?
Does anyone know what "robot" means?
- Yeah, I do! - Yes, Gary.
It means "slave".
Very good, Gary.
Are you robot, sir?
No, Peter, of course I'm not a robot.
- Excuse me, sir. - Yes, Steven.
- Are you on their side though? - This is not about sides, Steven.
That's not about shirts vs. skins.
It's about working together as one team.
I know it may seem a bit weird and a little bit scary,
But... Please believe me...
It's quite the opposite. They're here to help.
To straiten us out. To prepare us for the big leak.
They've seen something in us, the potential.
There's a vast community of worlds out there,
living together peacefully.
Collaboratively. And guess what?
They want us along for the ride!
Pretty cool, aye, guys?
So they're not here to harm us?
Far from it, O-Man! No, they're here to help.
I'm not saying they're afraid to get tough.
I, certainly, had to
get tough with you in my day.
And what? One amongst you wouldn't thank me for it? Hmm?
With all respect, they're not like teachers.
Stern? Yes.
A little frightening. But it's all for our betterment.
So, what'd you say?
We all go somewhere and talk about this properly?
That wasn't properly?
I think that's pretty clear, guys.
What Mr. Shephard is trying to say...
... is that...
What?!!
Andy? What the fuck?!
Yes, Andy, what the fuck?
- Don't we take out? - Aaaahh!!!!
Humans, you leave us no recourse!
If you will not join us re-lately...
...we will be forced to use other means to dissuade you.
Now, please...
Aaah! I fuckin' hate this town!
- Come on. - Sorry.
Motherfucker!
Andy! Twist the melon, man!
Yeah!
Sorry. This is not way for the family to behave.
I'm so disapointed in you.
O-Man!
Okay, Andy. Brake it up.
It doesn't have to be like this.
It could be so much simpler.
So completely hands.
If only you'd see the light.
Yes. You see, it's not about conflict.
It's about togetherness. - Yes.
Let's try this again, shall we? How about another round?
Nah.
- We're done here. - Yes, Gary.
It appears to be the case.
- The Smokehouse! - What?
Just do it!
Come on! This way!
Humans, this is your final warning.
So if you do not comply...
Humans, obey now or you'll face consequences.
Let's go!
Shit.
That is my car!
Let's go down the drain pipe.
I've got a better idea.
Try down drain pipe.
- Okay, just go! - Wait, what with others?
- They're with me, okay? I've got this. - Are you sure?
Yes, I always land on my feet.
- I don't know if that's true, Gary. - Just go.
Will you find out what happened to my brother?
Yes, of course, and I'll look Stevie for you.
He's a good guy.
He's better than me.
Gary, you're not a bad person.
But you're not made for material.
You know, the whole free spirit, quick one of disabled toilets...
... it... it's kinda cool when you're 17,
but not when you facing 40.
It comes a time you have to get forwards, not backwards.
Maybe if I'dn't left you behind that night,
things would be different.
It's not about that night, Gary.
- Isn't it? - Doesn't have to be.
We'll always have the disables now, won't we?
Yes, you'll always have the disables.
Oh, no!
Where is Sam?
- I put her in her car. - You did what?!
I put her in her car and just told her to leave.
You just sent away the only one of us
- Sober enough to drive... - Yea.
You just couldn't stand the fact that she might prefer me to you.
- That's not true! - It is true, Gary!
- I was getting somewhere without hands! - I was just trying to help.
You try to help yourself morelike!
Jesus, I did something right for a change,
and you fuck is gone like ace!
Wow, that is the first time I've ever heard you admit being wrong.
- I said I did something right. - Yeah.
- For a change! - So?
- Meaning the rest of the time you were wrong? - Not necessarily.
- Awhh!! - Sh-sh-sh!!!
I just thought it was best to keep her out harms way.
What about us, Gary? Aren't we in harms way?
We're alright, Pete.
Come on, we are the five musketeers.
No, we're the four musketeers!
Wait...
How do we know you put in the car?
- How do we know you are you? - Of course I'm me!
- But who the fuck are you, Gary? - I'm Gary King.
There's only one Gary King,
How do I know you, guys, are you?
- We've been together the all time. - You might all not be you.
How did you know that O-Man wasn't O-Man?
Because his birthmark was back.
- What does that prove? - Because of what Basil said...
they make your copy from your DNA.
That's why he had his mark. He was new, like a baby.
- Like a man-baby. - Like a maby...
Oliver with none of the shit
erupt into the real Oliver.
No laser surgery...
- So the blanks really are just blank? - No wear-at hair , no scars.
Steven, in 1987 we were playing cricket,
and I accidentally pushed you onto a brocken ball, that really went up your ass.
- So? - Show us your bum.
- Very nice. - Thank you.
Pete, you got a 50 cc Suzuki in 1988.
And let me have a go around and I run on your leg.
- What the fuck! - Oh, right! It's the other one!
Andy, in 1986 we had the accident with the knife came from aliens
and it stabbed you in the middle finger.
How about December 1997 when you're ODed ,
and I drive you to the hospital 4 times over the limit,
and I ended up rolling a cow
that almost severing my the femoral artery...
At which point you made a miraculous fucking recovery
and ran off into the night...
leaving me to get arrested?
After 12 hours of life saving surgery.
Any one of those would do.
Thank you.
- What about you? - That's easy.
That could be drawn on!
All tattoos are drawn on.
- Yeah. - Show us your arm.
- What? - Show us your arm.
No, no.
You fell off the stage, the fifth year bull, fucking around
and dislocated your elbow.
You've got a scar where they put the metal plate in.
I don't have to show you anything.
Alright? I'm Gary King. I know I'm me.
If I'm not me, then how do I know that card into that biv above your head
owe the words "King Gary"?
- But I don't say "King Gary". - Yes, it does.
- Doesn't it? - No.
It says "King Gay".
- Some cunt cut out the "r"! - That was me.
- Why? - The King Gay! - It's fucked all anyway!
Mr. Shephard remembered stuff, so did Oliver.
Selective memory, remember?
We don't see you for years.
Then you just pitch up and bring us here.
You better come all us some hard evidence that you are a human,
Otherwise we gotta find out for ourselves.
You want evidence?
There!
This proves I'm human.
- Proves you're stupid. - Exactly.
He is Gary!
The whole town is out looking for us.
That's the good thing. If everybody's outside, that means nobody's inside.
Gary, wait. Fuck!
Gary! Gary, what do you mean nobody is inside?
- We still can do this. - Do what exactly?
We're still on the crawl!
- King Gay! - Peter?
Peter.
I thought that was you.
Are you okay?
- Am I what? - I know we didn't say "hi" to higher school...
God knows I regret that...
I wanted to say something back at the pub, but...
felt so terribly ashamed by what I've done.
Let me make it up to you, Peter.
Please?
- Gary, you're out of your mind! - We've come too fast.
- It's fucking suicide. - I know.
We all gonna get to the World's End, if it kills us.
- Where is Pete? - I hate you!
- You fucking monster! I hate you! - Pete!
- Pete, let him! - Why are you doing this, Peter?
We don't wanna hurt you...
- Come, Pete, it's not worth it! - Yes, it fuckin is!
- What is he doing? - Oh, shit!
Aaahhhhh!!!!!
Pete, come on!
I must say I'm very disappointed in you, Peter.
- What are these fucking lights? - No, no. There are too many of them.
- We gotta go. - Gary is right.
- Till we gonna get to the "King's Head". - Exactly.
What?
We are not going to the King's Head! We're done!
We're gonna do what we should have done in the first place.
Get the Beast and get outta here!
We are fuckin' leaving and we are never coming back!
Now you can either come with us voluntarily
or I'm gonna knock you the fuck out and carry you there myself!
- You choose! - Alright, alright!
Just think about what you're sayin', you know 'cause you have been drinking.
Shit! It's a fuckin' kids!
Oh, not them again!
What the hell is that?
I don't know, but it's definately not a modern art.
Oh, shit, we're trapped!
- Where is the Beast? - Okay. Alright. We're here.
- The Beast is in the next street. - How are we goona get to it?
- We have to go through... - Through where?
I don't fucking believe this!
The King's Head
Come on!
Shit.
Let's go!
To the back door... back door, let's go.
Here we are!
Okay, there it is.
Shit!
We'll wait for an opening, and then we're leaking to the Beast.
We need the keys.
Gary?
Gary, what are you doing?
- Just a little toast. - Gary...
- Put the pint down, yeah? - To Oliver...
Pete...
And to us!
You know? 'Cause ten pubs isn't bad.
It's not.
But we're cold in time.
Okay.
So close...
Number ten.
Okay.
So close...
No, no, no!
Gary...
- Gary, Gary! - Let him go!
- He left you, man. - I can't.
Andy!
Gary, Gary!
Gary, come back! Come here, you stupid bastard!
The hole in the wall
Gary!
Gary !
Aaahh!
Andy! Look out!
Come on!
What the...
Come! Come on!
Andy, Gary, get the fuck in!
Heard him, Andy! Get the fuck in!
STEVEN: We don't have much time!
- Andy! No! No! - Steven!
No!
THE WORLD'S END
Andy...
I want you inside me.
Okay!
Cheers!
BREATHS HEAVILY
- You've had enough! - This is "The World's End", man!
I know!
Aaahh!
Stop this!
- Leave me alone! What do you care anyway? - Of cause I fuckin' care!
There's a reason I'm angry with you.
I know why you're angry with me, okay?
But not my fault that you crashed that car!
That's not the point! You let me down, man.
You were Gary King! Gary fucking King!
I would have followed you to the end!
- I fucking have! - Stop following me!
- No! - It's just one pint!
Let me have this!
- You've got everything you want! - What are you talking about?
You've got your perfect job,
your perfect house and your perfect wife!
Is it so perfect?!
She left me, Gary.
She took the kids to her mom's three weeks ago.
Said I'm present enough.
I'm trying to win her back, but God knows I am losing.
But I will continue to fight because that is how we survive!
For fuck's sake, Gary, I just punched my wedding ring out of a robot's stommy!
Exactly! You fight for what is important.
Oh, what is so important about the Golden Mile?
It's all I've got!!!
- You need help, Gary. - I've got help.
You know what help was?
The help was a lot of people sitting in a circle
and talking about fucking aweful things they got.
That is not my idea of a good time.
- And this is? - They told me when to go to bed!
Me!
Gary... mate...
How can you tell that you're drunk if you're never sober?
I don't wanna be sober!
It never got better than that night.
That was supposed to be the beginning of my life!
All that promise and fucking optimism...
That feeling that I could take on the whole universe!...
It was a big lie!
Nothing happened!
You don't need to do this, Gary.
Yeah, I do.
Please. Stay calm.
Twelve
Eleven
Ten
Nine
Eight
Seven
Six
Five
Four
Three
Two
One
Zero
UNHUMAN VOICES : Gary... Gary...Gary
Gary... Gary...
What are you doing?
Don't go!
- Gary King.
Yeah.
Gary King...
... of the humans.
- Yeah. What do you want?
We are here to enable your full potential
As we have with countless worlds across the Galaxy.
Oh yeah? And human is deadend?
We appropriate a small percentage of the population
at 2000 or so penetration points across the planet.
This ensures maximum coverage.
From there we create "simulants"...
...to spread our ideologies through peaceful indoctrination.
Our object is this simple.
To ready the population for participation in our galactic community.
This method requires a small sacrifice.
But the fewer replacements we make,
the more successful we consider our operation.
Of course, we welcome those who volunteer themselves.
We can offer attractive incentives...
...for those who willing be combined.
The chance to be young again, and yet retain selected memories.
Isn't that something you'd like?
Something you've always wanted?
Oh, my God.
I'm so cute!
The beauty of our system is
that we all win. There are no losers.
Allow me to carry your legend forward...
...that the man you've become
be the boy you were.
Nah!
There's only one Gary King!
Then you have made your choice, Gary King of the humans!
Yes, I have.
Because frankly who the fuck are you
you come down here and tell us what to do?
We are the "network." And we are here for your betterment.
In the last 23 years, have you not marvelled
these information technologies searched forward?
No.
Earth has grown smaller, yet greater,
as connectivity has grown.
This is our doom! And it's just the beginning.
Oh, fuck off, you big lamp!
You are children and you require guidance.
there is no room for imperfection.
Hey, Earth isn't perfect, alright?
And... and humans aren't perfect.
And guess what... I ain't perfect!
And therein lies the necessity for this intervention.
Must the Galaxy be subjected
to an entire planet of people like you?
Oh! Wow-wow!
Wow-wow-wow!
Who put you in charge, huh?
Who are you to criticize anyone?
You may think that Gary is a bit of a cock...
And he is a bit of a cock.
- But he's my cock! - Oh, thanks, man.
But he is a detriment to himself,
just as the Earth is a detriment to the Galaxy.
What? What did you say?
You act up the same cycles of self destruction again and again.
At this point,
your planet is the least civilized in the entire Galaxy.
- What did he say? - He said that we're a bunch of fuckups!
Hey! It is a basicly right to be fuckups!
This civilization was founded on fuckups and you know what?
- That makes me proud! - Yeah! And me!
What is it they say? To err is...?
- To err is human! - To err is human!
So... eh...
We do not believe you speak for all humanity.
You are only two men. Two drunk men!
Three drunk men!
Steven!
Enough! Enough, humans!
Oh, you are in trouble now? It's only the fuckin' three musketeers...
You are revolting against the wisdom of countless solar systems!
Yea, we are revolting!
Wait, he just says you're not here to conquer.
Can I just ask?
How many people did you have to replace in Newton Haven?
- That is irrelevant. - Is it?
Hands up,
who here is human!
- I'm human. - One!
- And me. - That's two!
- I am, but don't know for how long. - Basil!
So what's that? Three? You had to replace the entire town!
Not the entire town.
Well, anybody apart from old nut bull and the shifty twins.
That's a good name for the band, Gary. You should write that down.
I will.
What about the ones you replaced? Peter and Oliver?
Yeah, what happened to the "empties"?
BASIL (from somewhere): I told you not to ask that!
Redundant vessels are recycled,
mulched and converted into fertilizing
where upon they are returned back to Earth
to promote verdancy and growth.
It is a highly efficient means of organic renewal.
Mulched?!!!
It ia a relative few in light of our long-term plans.
You mean that few hundred thousand turned a far king compost?
What about the other places? The penetration points.
Are they as successful as Newton Haven?
Because I'm... I'm guessing we're not the only neglecting your system.
It is true the Network has been experiencing some difficulties...
I think you bit off puff
you can chew with Earth, mate.
Yeah, 'cause we are the more belligerent,
more stubborn and moron you activity could possibly imagine.
And I'm not just talking about Gary.
- Yeah, there's more than one Gary King!
But you said...
I fuckin' know what I fuckin' said!
Your appeal for your lies and inconsistency is a measure
of your immaturity as man and as a species!
Why don't you just get in your rocket
and fuck off back to Legoland, you cunts!
Yeah! Stop fuckin' starbucking at, man!
It's our duty to challenge you!
Just leave us to our own replaces, you, intergalactic asshole!
You misunderstand!
- Ha-ha!
We are out-sign...
- Nobody's listening!
- If you know me... - Face it!
We are the human race.
And we don't like being told what to do.
Just what is it that you want to do?
- We wanna be free! - Yeah!
- We wanna be free to do what we wanna do! - Yeah!
- And we wanna get loaded! - Yeah!
And we wanna have a good time!
And that's what we gonna do!
It's pointless arguing with you.
You will be left to your own devices.
Really?
Yea.
Fuck it!
They fucked off!
ALL THREE LAUGHING.
Yea-ay!
Yes! Yes!
Yes, we did it!
We won!
Gary, let's move!
Yea, that's shit, isn't it?
Guys!
Up here!
Go!
- Well done! - Thanks a bunch!
After no expiring!
Yeah! Happy now?
Basil, what do we do now?
Same as before.
Go!
Where is the Beast?
The Beast's dead, mate.
D'you know what... you know what is really annoying?
- What? - I promised myself I wouldn't die in this town.
You're not gonna.
I think our luck just changed.
- Sorry. - Sam?
Yes!
- You came back for us! - Yes, I did!
I got lost on the ringroad, but yes.
Hi, Sam. Can you give us some lift to London, please?
Did you find out what happened to my brother?
I'll tell you on the way.
Oh, sorry about the mess, I've been mean to clean that up...
We forgive you. Let's go!
Which way?
Backwards!
Which way now?
Go straight over!
We can make it!
We're gonna make it!
We made it!
I'm sorry.
Come here...
Everyone remembers where they were when the lights went on planet Earth.
Me, Gary, Steve and Sam... We were standing right by the switch.
I guess it was a big night for everyone.
That morning gave a whole
new meaning to the word hangover.
We decided to walk it off...
... on the way back to London.
But that didn't end there.
We just went on, and on, and on, and on...
I'm talking about the big fire.
When the Network went down and triggered some...
Kind of pulse...
Wiped out all our technology...
And sent us here...
Back to the dark ages.
There were casualties, of course.
I knew a few of them. It's a guy from work...
My cousin Paul...
Gary's mom...
Nobody really knew how many we lost.
It's been never heard from the rest of the world again.
Everyone got cut off.
It isn't easy now. But it is simpler.
I'm back with the wife, which is something.
We decided our problems
didn't seem as bad in the groung skin of things.
We were not to go "organic" in a big wave.
But if I'm honest,
I'm hard press to recall any process
for you to actually miss.
As for the "blanks"...
A funny thing happened then.
They woke up.
A week or so after the "Network" fall down.
They're just sort of rebooting by themselves.
Tried to start a fresh.
They seemed lost at first.
Children cut off from their parents.
Abandoned, forgotten, looking for guidance.
For someone who show them the way.
I felt a bit sorry for them, to be honest.
The "Network" was right about one thing:
we can't be uncivilized.
Maybe, we would have been abandoned fluence the rest of the galaxy.
Oliver went back to be an estate agent.
The world still needs a roof over the heads,
and old Olli always had instinct for the gap.
I guess the new one has too.
Hmm... he's doing alright.
I heard that Peter found his way home to Bishop's Gardens.
I suppose he picked up where the other one left off.
I'm not sure his wife noticed.
Maybe she chose not to.
He's a pretty good dad, by all accounts.
Steven and Sam got together in the end.
Didn't see that coming. They shacked up just outside London.
It's a pretty nice shack too.
As for Gary... I dunno what happened to Gary...
We got separated I never saw him again.
Since I went back to Newton Heaven.
I don't know why.
His business there was done.
It's funny, but...
I miss him.
I wonder if he misses me...
...misses the boys...
Wherever he is, I hope he's happy.
That's all he ever wanted really...
To have a good time
I just hope he found it on the bottom of the glass...
Because real happiness, real friends...
Those are things worth living for...
Or fighting for...
Blank bastards!
Fucking robots.
5 waters, please.
You can have one...
But I ain't serving these scum.
Oh, I am afraid it's "all for one" and "one for all".
You see, my young friends and I are on an adventure.
A quest, if you will...
And since we find ourselves a need of refreshment,
you sir, have the honor of jouring first blood.
So I will ask you again...
For the last time.
5 waters, please.
Who the hell do you think you are?
Me?
They call me "the King"!